


Coffee

by hazellepotter



Series: Summer Love [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Awkward, F/M, Humor, Implied Relationship, Implied Sexual Content, Instagram, Muggle AU, Social Media, Social Media AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 13:55:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11487753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazellepotter/pseuds/hazellepotter
Summary: pristine.parkinson:is this.... a joke.... am i being punk’d?h.j.potter:what’s punk’d?pristine.parkinson:please don’t tell me you think instagram is a dating sitepristine.parkinson:i’M LAUGHINGh.j.potter:.......pristine.parkinson:do you live under a rock?????????h.j.potter:i’m learning that i do rather quickly.





	Coffee

Harry didn’t understand social media, just like he didn’t understand girls. He was awkward, and _he knew it._  But Ron insisted that he needed to find someone and try one of the popular dating apps. He needed to get laid this summer; it was finally time.

The only problem was that Harry didn’t know what social media apps were actually dating apps and what ones were strictly for over-sharing your life to strangers. He was too embarrassed to ask Ron for clarification, because he learned quickly that he actually did in fact live under a rock. He didn’t want to deal with Ron’s shocked expression and the constant teasing for months to come.

 _So_ , he scrolled through his new iPhone’s app store, and he rubbed his temple in frustration as he downloaded all the free popular social media apps he could think of. He took a drink from his black coffee and concentrated on how it felt flowing down the back of his throat. It was a nice distraction for a moment, before he decided to open up Instagram.

He heard this was the app that people his age liked to post pictures of their Cappuccinos on, and he stared at the Starbucks cup in his hand. 

 _People found this entertaining?_ He thought to himself.  _Why would anyone want to follow this pointless trend?_

He rolled his eyes and set his cup down as he created an account. Surprisingly, h.j.potter wasn’t taken as a user. He felt relieved that he wouldn’t have to come up with something overly creative and  _stupid._

The app now suggested that he followed some accounts, and he scrolled through suggested users until he came across one that caught his eye. She went by the name “pristine.parkinson,” _and pristine she was._  Harry blinked a few times each time he looked at a photo of hers. He had never seen someone take selfies that were so immaculate, but he groaned as soon as he came across a picture of one of her skinny mochas.  He would be lying if he said he didn’t continue scrolling through her photos, and it appeared that she lived in his town based off of her recent selfie’s location. She was wearing a pink bikini and was looking overly happy into the camera, and a blonde girl was kissing her cheek.

 _She had over 14 million followers._ He didn’t understand how she  _knew_  that many people, but then he realized that she had a YouTube account and apparently was something called a beauty vlogger. 

_He stalked her for a good hour until he decided to follow her._

He found himself interested in her by her photos, but wasn’t that the point of girls on social media? They wanted to be noticed, and she was on a dating site.  _Or so Harry thought._

He decided to follow her and no one else, but he didn’t realize that she could see who he followed if she were to look at his account. He decided to message her saying “hey” and hey only. It was short and sweet, not too creepy.  _That’s what he told himself, anyway._

He relented into taking a picture of his coffee before throwing it away and posted it onto his account with a caption that simply said,  **“coffee.”**

Harry had given up trying to understand social media for one day, so he locked his phone and stuffed it into his pocket.

 

* * *

 

Later that night, he was interrupted from catching up on Game of Thrones by his phone vibrating next to him. Ron had texted him earlier in the day, and Hermione had sent him a memo for work over email. That was the extent of his social life, so he was unsure of who could possibly be trying to reach him now at this hour.

He paused his show and unlocked his phone to see that “pristine.parkinson” had messaged him back on Instagram. He would be lying if he said his heart wasn’t hammering at the prospect, and after some difficulty, he was able to open up the app to see their chat log.

> **h.j.potter:** _hey_  
>  **pristine.parkinson:** _hey............._  
>  **pristine.parkinson:**   _can i help you with something?_  
>  **pristine.parkinson:**   _dude... why are you ONLY following ME? and nice caption for your photo. so creative. are you one of those minimalistic type of guys? or i’m assuming you’re a guy._  
>  **pristine.parkinson:** _YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A PROFILE PICTURE._

Harry raised his eyebrows at her messages. She had spunk, and Harry liked spunk. 

> **h.j.potter:** _i’m sorry. i didn’t realize a profile picture was needed??_

He waited only a few seconds before she replied.

> **pristine.parkinson:**   _what are you..... 55 or something??? look. i have dealt with guys like you before. i appreciate the support, but please just leave me alone and masturbate to my face if you must. i don’t have time for stalkers._  
>  **h.j.potter:**   _i’m not a stalker.... and i would never.._  
>  **h.j.potter:**   _who do you think you are??_  
>  **pristine.parkinson:** _i’m THE Pristine Parkinson... surely you must know who i am._  
>  **pristine.parkinson:**   _and really... you’re not a stalker... sure... then care to explain to me why you are only following me? i’m still waiting._  
>  **h.j.potter:** _is there some kind of dating law on instagram where you have to follow more than one person?_

She didn’t reply for a few minutes. Harry was nervous, and he almost turned Game of Thrones back on when he heard his phone buzz again. He picked up his phone quickly to read her response.

> **pristine.parkinson:**   _is this.... a joke.... am i being punk’d?_  
>  **h.j.potter:**   _what’s punk’d?_  
>  **pristine.parkinson:** _please don’t tell me you think instagram is a dating site_  
>  **pristine.parkinson:**   _i’M LAUGHING_  
>  **h.j.potter:** _......._  
>  **pristine.parkinson:** _do you live under a rock?????????_  
>  **h.j.potter:** _i’m learning that i do rather quickly._  
>  **pristine.parkinson:**   _first things first, get a profile picture. second, if you want to find someone to date, try tinder or some shit. hopefully you like dick pics, and third, don’t take coffee shots._  
>  **h.j.potter:**   _you take coffee shots?_  
>  **pristine.parkinson:**   _that’s because it fits my theme._  
>  **h.j.potter:**   _what’s a theme??_  
>  **pristine.parkinson:**   _you’re hopeless. good luck, h.j.potter!!!_  
>  **h.j.potter:** _wait!_

But his message didn’t go through, and he quickly learned she had blocked him. This was not a good start for his mission to get laid.

 

* * *

 

A few weeks had passed since he had given Instagram a shot. He deleted it from his phone after talking to “pristine.parkinson”, and he decided he was never going to attempt social media again.

He ordered his black coffee and sat by the window seat in his town’s cafe. He grabbed the paper and started to flip through it, until he was distracted by the bell ringing on the cafe’s front door.

Harry lifted his head up to see a tall girl walk in. Her skin was like porcelain, and her long black hair looked so unnaturally smooth that he felt the overwhelming urge to run his hands through it. She turned her head in his direction, and that’s when he caught sight of her eyes. They were green like his, but he noticed the right one had a little bit of blue in it.  _They reminded him of the ocean._

She lifted her brow at him as he stared, but then she smirked. That’s when it clicked.

This was “pristine.parkinson.” She was right in front of him,  _flirting with him_ , and she had no idea that he was h.j.potter. He couldn’t help but smirk back.

She walked towards him and sat herself down across from him. She brushed some of her hair behind her ear, and that’s when Harry caught a glimpse of her hot pink nails. His eyes trailed down her face to her chest, and he noticed she had a tan line and a small dusting of freckles across her collarbones.

_He gulped._

“I’m Pansy,” she said casually, “I noticed you staring at me, and I figured I would introduce myself.”

Harry blinked a few times and didn’t say anything, but he finally gained the courage to lean forward so their faces were close together. She didn’t back away from him.  _This girl was fearless._ Her grin spread across her face, and he watched as her eyes flickered down to his lips.

“I’m h.j.potter,” he replied, “It’s nice to meet you, _Pansy._ ”

He watched as shock registered on her face, and he realized how  _creepy_  he probably seemed. But as soon as it sunk in,  _she just laughed._  She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. He swore she was purposely trying to push up her breasts.

“What a small fucking world,” she commented, “Did you fly out to get a glimpse of me in person or something?”

“I live here.” 

_“Prove it.”_

He raised his left brow as her eyes twinkled.

_“What do you-”_

She interrupted him by leaning forward and pressing her finger to his lips.

“For someone so socially stupid, you’re  _really_  fucking hot. I’m giving you a once in a lifetime chance to get laid, cause I can see you aren’t smart enough to be a stalker. Don’t question this. _Show me_ that you didn’t just fly out to see me.” 

His mouth was dry, but he finally managed to swallow. She leaned back and got up from her seat. She clicked her heels against the hardwood floor until he found a way to stand. She grabbed his hand and led him out of the cafe.

It was then he realized he was finally going to get laid.

 

* * *

 

Pansy was pleased when she realized he actually lived _in town._  She didn’t learn his full name until she begged him to  _moan it_  as she went down on him.

They met often after that, and to Pansy’s relief, he took her advice on how to start an acceptable and aesthetic Instagram feed. 

_Harry was quite smug when he proved that coffee shots did in fact fit his theme._

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the Summer Vacation Challenge held by the Harry Potter Rare-Pair Network and Serpent and Lion Network on Tumblr. 
> 
> Check out these networks and their challenges at these links if you're interested:  
> http://hprarepairnet.tumblr.com  
> http://slytherdornet.tumblr.com


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